I am always fascinated by this concept and I found a passage in "Simple Abundance" by Sarah Ban Breathnach that I loved (thank you to an Oxygen member for telling me about this book). It's concise and gets us to think about the most important questions to ask ourselves.
Denise
Tolerable compromises are those we enter into fully - with complete knowledge in advance of exactly what we are surrendering. The other kind of compromises - the ones many of us make day in and day out - are the strong, silent type. They're strong because we're stuck with them and silent because they're unconscious or unspoken.
Compromises are the art of the bottom line. We can bend only so far and then we break. Knowing how far you can bend is the first step in making sane agreements, but this isn't as easy as it sounds.
The more complicated life becomes, the simpler your bottom line must be. How about this. What "must" you have from this situation? What do you absolutely "need"? If you need it, you must have it. It's non-negotiable. If you didn't "need" it to survive, it - whatever "it" is - wouldn't be a need. Then it would be a want. Unfortunately, "wants" are the currency of compromise. I want, you want, we all want, which is why we bargain. Keep in mind your want might be another's legitimate need. The best compromises, like a workable lifestyle, cover all your needs while satisfying a few of your wants.
If you dread it, don't agree to it. If you do end up doing it despite your dread, you'll despise the whole deal, including the woman who agreed to it: you.
Be affable. Try to see the other person's point of view. Be flexible. Be as generous as you can without gagging. Ask that the highest good for all parties be achieved. Trust your instincts.
