Reject Me, Please

For years now I have been learning everything I can about Design Thinking and trying to live the process and mindsets of this concept in my everyday life.

One of the basic tenets of Design Thinking is to try things and not to be afraid of failure. “Fail fast and fail often,” we say.

Well, I have been doing a lot of that lately.  I have been sticking my little neck out and getting it chopped off.

Of course, I take it personally.  I know most of the time it’s not about me, it’s more about how busy the other person is, but I when I reach out in my career searches and transitions, I take the rejections hard.

Even writing on this blog over the last year has been difficult. The funny thing is as I looked at the patterns of these rejections and what happened afterwards, I noticed something interesting.  It was working.  With each rejection, I got feistier, more creative, and more productive.

Sort of like, OK, if you don’t want me, I’ll try another avenue and then another. I have this crazy courage because I love Design Thinking and I love teaching it and I am going to keep on doing it one way or the other. 

When I was a freshman in high school, I met with my college counselor, Mr. Bettencourt, and told him proudly, “ I want to go to Stanford”.  He looked at me and said with complete certainty, “Denise, we all have dreams, but your chances of that are almost non-existent.”

He didn’t even know me, but he rejected me.  I call those my “Mr. Bettencourt” moments.  The moment that someone rejects me and I leave quietly and go do what I need to do.

I never went to see Mr. Bettencourt again until the end of my senior year.  I just said goodbye to him and told him that I would be going to Stanford in the Fall.

Things don’t always work out like that for me, in fact, they rarely do, but the feeling I get when I fail or feel rejected gives me more energy than praise could ever give me.

I don’t like failure, actually, I feel terrible when I am first rejected.  I think, oh they’re right, I really can’t do it, but then something happens, I hit rock bottom and there is nowhere to go except up.

I teach my students about failure and its importance in moving forward and learning to design your life forward.  If I really am a good teacher, then I must live what I teach.

So, I need to make peace with rejection and failure and maybe even be grateful for them because my biggest accomplishments are after after my biggest rejections.

I will be teaching a new set of workshops starting in January on Design Thinking.  The workshops will be about what Design Thinking is and how it helps you get unstuck and live a more creative and peaceful life. I know that’s a tall order and if I hadn’t experienced it myself, I couldn’t teach it.

If you would like to be on my mailing list for these workshops, email me at:  claritydesignthinking@gmail.com and I will let send you information on time and place.

Happy Holidays to all of you.

Denise
entrenoususa@gmail.com

The Less Effort, the Faster and More Powerful You Will Be

I haven't written for a while, but today a friend of mine and a wonderful coach, Johanna Beyer, wrote a piece that hit home with me and I wanted to post it here so you could enjoy it as well.

Denise

 

"The less effort, the faster and more powerful you will be."

 Bruce Lee

  

  

Over the summer, I had the good fortune to take a tennis class to learn new things about a game I love. I went into it all ready to show the instructor my wicked ground strokes! I clenched down, gripped the racket and literally tried to kill the ball. After about 75% of my shots went into the net or way outside the lines, I got frustrated. What the hell was going on? During a break I asked the instructor what she thought the problem was. She immediately told me that I was working way too hard. My grip was too tight and I was losing all my power with my supposedly intense stroke.

SHE THEN GAVE ME A TIP THAT I AM TAKING INTO EVERY PART OF MY LIFE: THE LOOSER YOU STAY, THE MORE POWER YOU WILL HAVE.

WHAT? I've always thought that staying loose meant that you weren't taking things seriously. The more clenched, busy, and proactive I could be, the better. The more I focused on meeting others' needs, the more I would be liked.

The delusional belief behind all of these thoughts went something like this.... the harder I work, the more worthy I am. I must push and overextend to be good enough.

And this belief has brought me success...I did well in school, built a successful career, and have a wonderful family and friends. But as I woke up to this toxic message, I realized that every time I overextended in dance, I got hurt. When I tried too hard to connect with people, they backed away. When I put others' needs first, I often misread what they actually wanted, and almost always ended up abandoning myself.

This way of living was tiring, leaving me achy and burnt out! And the worst part is that it was blocking the support that wanted to come into my life.

So, since that fateful day on the tennis court, I've been experimenting with my coach's principle of working less to have more power. It is so subtle, but when I practice it one small choice at a time, I find many opportunities every day to loosen my grip on life and experience flow. The benefits are instant and available to all of us.

What working LOOSE looks like:

-WAIT. I try not to act until there is a genuine and actual reason to do something. When I feel an idea emerge, I write it down and it helps me determine whether it's driven by fear or urgency, or if it truly comes from my heart. When I have clarity, I can prioritize.

-RELEASE. When I do not know the solution to a problem, I release it for a while instead of ruminating and forcing an answer prematurely. Asking for help from my higher self and then turning over the problem brings enormous freedom.

-ACCEPT SUPPORT. I say yes to help and embrace compliments when I receive them. A tight grip is often critical and unforgiving. Accepting kindness from others helps us to be more loving with ourselves.

-STAY IN THE MOMENT. When I'm working with a client or a group, I work hard to stay open and present instead of always thinking about the next topic, or how I could or should respond.

-REST. I take breaks and let myself relax when the time is right instead of filling every second with something practical.

-HONOR COMMITMENTS. I start on time, end on time, and honor my boundaries. These simple commitments are within my power, and they give me something I can always feel proud of.

-DETACH FROM OUTCOMES. Before I offer help, I consider whether the person really wants help, or if I am offering it because it makes me feel better -- and more in control -- to fix things. Offering support and then letting go is a liberating way to truly help others.

Working LOOSE does not look like:

-Planning for people when they do not need my help.

-Overextending and doing extra to look good or seem more worthy.

-Jumping into action too quickly for the short-term satisfaction of feeling productive.

-Judging others for their decisions when they differ from mine and forgetting that everyone is on their own path!

-Staying busy when others around me are chilling and enjoying themselves.

My questions for you are:

Where can YOU loosen your grip on life a bit?

Where can you harness your energy and resist the temptation to overextend?

Where in your day do you silently accept more responsibility or work than is really necessary?

How many relaxing little breaks can you build into your day?

Where can you say "yes" to more help and accept compliments?

 

 

 Please e-mail me at johannabeyer@gmail.com or check out www.onyourpathconsulting.com

Life Awaiting

“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” 

― Joseph Campbell

I have read this quote so many times, but I have always thought you have to have a plan. No plan, no accomplishments.

I have been working with undergraduates for over 3 years now helping them think about the life ahead.  Who are they?  Who do they want to be?  I listen to their plans and life goals.  It’s not easy for the students, but the possibilities do seem endless and, most of all, possible.

Not only do I spend my days with college students, I do it at my alma mater, so I rarely forget how I felt when I was that age.

When I first read the quote above, I felt a sense of sadness.  “Letting go of the life we planned.”  Did that mean it didn’t work...that we failed?  As I hear these young students describe their future, I think about the plans that I made years ago.  I felt fairly confident of my direction at that time.  It helped that nobody ever questioned why I was doing what I was doing.

In the class that I help teach, we do an interesting exercise.  After weeks of helping students design their lives forward, we have them pretend they are at their 25th year college reunion.  We have them imagine what it would be like to be 47 and what their lives would look like.  What did they accomplish, what didn’t happen, and what parts of life just happened that they never saw coming?

It’s fascinating to listen them.  The exercise is meant to help them think about those things that didn’t go as planned.  What did they have to let go of?

So back to the quote above.  I don’t see it as sad anymore.  I realize that so many things I didn’t plan have actually been quite magical.  And, yes, there have been things that have torn my heart into pieces that were not magical in any way.

But, it is when I let go, as Joseph Campbell says, that life becomes quite an extraordinary ride.  It is when I stop measuring my life against the plans I had made as an undergraduate and I just become who I am and take each day as an opportunity to be open and experience whatever comes my way that I find I am most at peace. I guess that is living the life that is waiting for me. So much planning and measuring of goals has many times prevented me from allowing life to just happen and to see opportunities that when I was younger I wouldn't have even noticed.

Maybe mid-life is not so much about a crisis over what can no longer be accomplished, but an opportunity to see what surprises we couldn’t even have imagined at age 22.

It’s not easy, though, letting go of the things you planned.  It means giving up the pretense of being in control, it means not thinking that you failed, but just that you are following another path, and it means feeling much more comfortable with uncertainty.

I am in awe of those who have led their lives this way from the beginning, but I have been a very analytical type and it has taken me much longer to let go of the life I had planned.  I don’t know what is ahead, but somehow, that feels extremely peaceful and I am eager to know more about the life that is awaiting me.

Denise

entrenoususa@gmail.com

"Not all who wander are lost."  J.R.R. Tolkien

Empty Nester

I remember thinking years ago as I drove my sons to Little League practices or games every day of the week, “When I am an empty nester, I will move to France for a month or two and see what it’s like to live there.”

“Empty Nester” defined by the dictionary is “a parent whose children have grown and left home”.  Translation:  now you have lots of time to do all those things you have been meaning to do.

Am I the only one that finds that being an empty nester is nothing like I expected? I love my parents and as they age (and I feel blessed that they are still here so I am not complaining), I want and need to return the love and care that they gave me as a child.  That takes time and is sometimes mentally exhausting, both because of the actual job and because it reminds me that life is short.

Then, there are the kids that went off.  They went off, but they still have issues that I am sure I worry about unnecessarily.

So, what am I getting to?  It’s difficult.  It’s not what I thought it would be.  I love many people around me and, many times, I can support and love them, but I can’t always fix things for them.

I am trying to make a special effort to do nice things for myself and not run myself down. I know that isn’t good for anyone.

I guess I never really thought that much about this time of my life.  I was so busy up until now following the path that I knew, that is, raising children, getting them off to college, out of college and then on to the next step. 

I don’t think I really had much of an idea what this time would be like. So, the good news is that I am learning day by day how to make the most of each moment that is mine and to appreciate all that I have.

I just don’t think I will be moving to France anytime soon.

Maybe this time of life is meant to teach us how important life’s little blessings are and remind us to slow down and pause.  Fixing, controlling and worrying have yet to be helpful actions for me.  What does help is making sure that I find my way to the beach to  enjoy the beauty of the ocean, sip a cup of coffee slowly in the morning, or make sure that I am really present with the family and friends I love.

And, maybe, it helps feeling that I am not the only one going through it.

Hoping that you are finding time to relax and take care of yourself...

Denise

entrenoususa@gmail.com

Gratitude

I have been thinking a lot about gratitude lately.

As I age, I notice the importance of health more, my own, and others I love and care about.

It's a double edged sword.  One side is thinking more about one's own mortality and having more ailments than I remember in years past, but the other side is a gift.

I allow myself time to enjoy and have fun because there are enough difficult things going on that I need to let myself recalibrate now.  I am finding the oxygen mask metaphor of "taking care of yourself first so you can take better care of others" is really true.

I find having coffee in the morning in the quiet is a special occasion not just something to rush through.  I truly understand the concept of mindfulness and being in the moment you are in and appreciating it.

I spend a lot of time around college students with my teaching and I love their energy and determination, but I am very appreciative of the perspective you gain with age.  It is so much easier to be grateful for small things and you realize that who you are as a person and the kind of person you are is based very little on your "accomplishments" measured by the outside world.

Many of the students with whom I work are extremely accomplished and have done amazing things.  When I first started working with them, I couldn't imagine what I could offer them or why they would ask to meet one on one with me.  But, slowly, I realized that I actually could offer them something they didn't have: a sense of perspective.  I was able to hear their thoughts and angst and had a better full view than they did.  Some of it was just the fact that I was on the outside and they were in the midst of a dilemma, but most of it was that over the years, I had gained an ability to see more of the whole picture.

That's what they wanted and that's what I was able to contribute to them.

So I am very grateful for that ability and try hard to apply it to my own life on as much of a daily basis as I can.

I am also grateful to you as a reader.  I find the gift of being able to write about life's trials and tribulations allows me a deeper connection with others and myself.  So, thank you for reading this blog…

Denise

entrenoususa@gmail.com

Those Memories You Remember Exactly...

I have noticed lately that I dive back into those “remember when” moments when things are tough and I want to think back to the good old days.

As I move forward in my career meandering journey...as I think back to the days that the kids were still kids...everything seemed easier “back when”.

It’s easy to remember the good old days without remembering the difficulties that came with them.  That’s not fair to the present and it’s not even real.  It’s just my perception of what was.

The other day I was with my younger son watching sports on TV and the Tennessee Titan football team came on briefly.  “Oh,” I said, “I remember when you were a little boy and you had a sports crush on the Titans.  They were the first team you really loved.”

My mind began a lovely tale of moments picturing my young son in his Titan jersey and Titan banners hung proudly on the walls of his room.  It was such a warm feeling to enjoy the memories. I knew for a fact that it was the Titans and no one would be able to question those memories because they were real and factual. I can see everything perfectly to this day and in great detail.

Then, poof, my younger son said to me, “Mom, that wasn’t me.  That was my older brother (name being withheld as both sons will kill me if they know I am writing about them).

“Wait, that wasn’t you?” I asked.  “No, don’t be ridiculous,” he said.

That’s what life is like.  You swear that your memories are EXACTLY they way you remember them. How could they be any different?  You remember every detail.  But, you don’t.

We remember what we want to remember or sometimes we just forget.

I am keeping that thought close to my heart now when I think of the good old days and I want everything to go back to the way it was.  It’s difficult to try new things...some work, some don’t, but they are part of who you are now and where you are going at this moment.

It’s not to say memories are not wonderful and helpful.  I just want to remember to take them with a grain of salt, especially when I am using those old memories to help me learn lessons and move forward.

Denise

entrenoususa@gmail.com

Lessons of a Lost Voice

I lost my voice last Friday.  I don’t mean I was hoarse.  I mean I picked up the phone to call someone and nothing came out.  If you know me, you would know that I am not a shrinking violet and keeping my mouth shut is a non-experience for me.

I must have had a cold and then just ran myself into the ground, but I am a firm believer that every experience is a lesson.

I kept asking myself through all this quiet time, “what I am I learning?”.  First, I learned that I am grateful for my voice.  It is really hard not to be able to talk.  And, I learned that I am stressing myself a bit too much these days and I need to take it easy.  Those were easy lessons to see.

But, the next two lessons were surprising to me.  

I did have a few conversations (one sided) in person and a few on the phone (though nothing coming out on my end).  I realized that I am a terrible listener.  When I was forced to listen (and had no choice), I did.  I didn’t interrupt though I so wanted to (as I do often).  I didn’t give advice because I couldn’t.  I just listened and I realized I don’t really listen to people.  I am usually thinking about what I am going to say, giving my two cents, but not actively listening to people’s words and emotions as best I could.

Suddenly, I was.  I could feel a difference.  As I very slowly get my voice back, I hope I will continue to actively listen to others more often.

The last lesson I learned is that I was more peaceful.  I talk a lot and sometimes I think that causes more anxiety than just sitting or even listening.  I remember a teacher I had in high school used to always say, “if you’re talking, you’re not learning”.  Sometimes, I learn when I am teaching students, but more often than not, I learn more when I listen.

My voice is hoarse today and that is a huge step forward.  But, I am hoping not to forget what it feels like to give someone my full attention.

Denise

entrenoususa@gmail.com

Creativity: Music to My Ears

One of my favorite professors at Stanford, Tina Seelig, is repeating her online course on Creativity, but this time she is using music to complement it and will be working with recording artists from Warner Music such as Linkin Park, Jason Mraz and more. You will learn how to develop creativity skills through music.

“Creativity:  Music to My Ears” is an online course which begins Wednesday, April 2nd.  The class is free.

There is more info in the links below as well as a short clip with Tina and Jason Mraz.

Class information

Tina & Jason Mraz

Denise
entrenoususa@gmail.com

The Notes Without the Music

“The notes without the music.”   I had never heard that phrase until a few weeks ago.

I have been teaching college students for the last two years and, ordinarily, I create the content of my lecture and then present it on my own.  This quarter, I am working with some extraordinary mentors and I was asked to present their material in my lecture.  It was a big moment for me as it was a bit of a test to see how I would teach with this format. I prepped every day for a week.

It was both new to me and difficult to teach someone else’s content. I prepared as best I could, memorizing the material and presenting it the way I thought my mentors wanted.

Ironically, the topic of my presentation was about emotional intelligence and listening to your gut instincts.  I have worked so hard for the last couple of years to follow those gut instincts and listen to my own voice.  I don’t know if it was because I was new in this particular class or I wanted so much to please my mentors, but I made a mistake.  I didn’t follow my gut.  I memorized the materials, hit every point that I was supposed to, and I didn’t even choke.  But, in the end, I felt like a little of my soul had died. I hadn’t taught the lesson the way "I" would teach it.  I taught it like a lawyer and not the new person I had discovered in myself over the last few years, that is, someone who had found great joy and fun interacting with college students as they make important choices going forward with their lives.

I have been teaching that failure is important and that learning from failure and improving the next go around is how you become the best “you”.

So, in my mind, my latest lecture was a failure because I was not me.  I was trying to be someone else.

In the end, my mentor was kind and supportive, but he smiled and said, “It was the notes without the music”.

That phrase caught me by surprise.  That was it.  He had said in just a few words what I have never been able to encapsulate.

It wasn’t just about this experience. It was about all those times in life when it looks like everything is right.  There is nothing from the outside to indicate what is not working...a job, a relationship, or an experience.  I never had those exact words to describe when something is just missing.

The notes are there, but there is no music.  That is what happens when you don’t follow your instincts.  It’s very hard to describe in words, but you know when the music just isn’t there.

How ironic that the topic of my lecture was exactly what I was not doing.

“The notes without the music” in just a few words reminds me when I need to be aware that even with all the checklists marked, it can still be wrong. Even though it may be difficult to describe why there is no music, what is important is recognizing that it’s not there.

Just having that awareness can be a huge step in helping us to go forward.

Denise

entrenoususa@gmail.com

Rubber Ducky Problem Solving

What if instead of internalizing ideas and thoughts or discussing them with a friend, we periodically explained the problem out loud and talked it through to an inanimate object?

I know it sounds strange, but a friend of mine who is a computer programmer told me about the “Rubber Ducky” debugging idea.  I am about as far from a computer programmer as they come, but I love this concept.

Rubber Ducky debugging is when a software engineer is stuck on a problem with the coding.  To help them work through the issue, they put a rubber ducky on their keyboard and try to describe the problem line-by-line or in great detail.  The idea is to explain to the duck the issue at hand, assuming the duck knows nothing about the problem or coding (which is not too much to assume).

By doing so, the engineer is forced to explain what should be happening (or what he wants to be happening) versus what really is happening.

I tried this a couple of times and I found it to be very fun.  Of course, it’s like talking to yourself, but when you are forced to explain a problem you are struggling with to an object that has no background on the issue or your past emotional baggage, it’s quite illuminating and extremely productive.  You have to like to play games and not be concerned about how silly you look.  It does force you to closely analyze what is really happening.

I love the idea and the image of the rubber ducky sitting on my keyboard listening to me is pretty silly, but it has worked wonders.

Having immersed myself in design thinking for most of 2013, I find myself being quite a bit more creative and a lot less judgmental of all sorts of ways to be a more grounded person.

I’ll be writing more about Creative Confidence in my next post.

Happy New Year!

Denise

entrenoususa@gmail.com

Make It Up As You Go

Make it up 

As you go 

Future's wide open 

Nothing's written in stone 

I can't tell you what's best 

I don't know what comes next 

All I know is that I don't know anything 

All I got is today, and I prefer it that way 

Make a plan, but I know it's gonna change 

And that's okay 

Lyrics by the Plain White T’s

I have been at war with the concept of “uncertainty” for most of my life.  I like the lyrics in the song above because it helps me on my journey of trying to make peace with wanting to know what is next or feeling the need to make things black or white.

There are a number of reasons why I am slowly, very slowly coming to see uncertainty as my acquaintance, not yet my friend, but at least not my enemy.

When I want certainty so badly, I shortcut life’s lessons.  Most of the time, it takes a while to let things play out.  When I do that, I have more information with which to work.  I have more clarity because decisions I think I need to make don’t even come to pass because things change as life unravels at its own pace.

It helps if I take things more slowly and not jump to a decision. It tends to feel more in alignment with who I am.  By not rushing things just to have that feeling of certainty, it allows my internal voice to speak more loudly and stand out against the noise of other’s advice and even my own inner critic. 

Also, I find that if I don’t feel such a desperate need for certainty, I don’t make assumptions that aren’t necessarily true or miss red flags all in the hopes of shortening the process and feeling I am in control.

So, I am trying the motto, “Make It Up as You Go”.  It’s not easy, but I have to admit I am beginning to enjoy it.  

I ask myself what experiences over the last couple of years have been most meaningful and most in alignment with who I am.  They have been those I didn’t see coming and that had no certainty in them.  In fact, I just made it up as I went along and stayed open to opportunities.  I let things take their time and I didn’t rush just so I would feel certain.

As 2013 comes to a close and the new year is around the corner, it seems to me interesting questions to ask ourselves are: “What if you were really comfortable with uncertainty?  How would that change your life?  What would you do differently?”

Happy Holidays!

Denise

entrenoususa@gmail.com

Ask for 100% of What You Want 100% of the Time

“Ask for 100% of what you want 100% of the time.”

I heard a friend of mine say he was living by that motto.  I have great respect for this individual and I was struck by this concept.

It seemed selfish to me and it didn’t seem as if it took the other person’s needs into account.

I asked him about that and he said, “This has nothing to do with ignoring other's needs or not being empathetic.  In my version of the idea, this is all about aligning your objectives and your heart with the future that you are trying to manifest.  My experience is that I "get" exactly what I imagine my future will be.  When I'm fuzzy about what I want, I get a "fuzzy" future.  

It is also a personal challenge to myself - I have a hard time believing that I deserve what I want.   I've come to realize that I pretend that it's all about the "other’s needs" when it's really just managing some fear and self-worth issues.”

I had a better understanding after he explained his thoughts on the idea. I have wanted to write about this concept, but I was still thinking hard about how I felt about it.

Now, I feel more comfortable for two reasons.  One, I think not demanding, but letting another person know what you are looking for is helpful.  It doesn’t mean you expect it, but it does put it out there and you never know what kind of compromise is possible.  You certainly don’t know if you don’t communicate it.

Second,  I agree with my friend who first mentioned the statement to me.  It is important to really ask yourself: “what do I want?”.  I think we are “fuzzy” sometimes about what it is we really want and taking the time to seriously consider that question leads to clarity.

It’s not so much about clarity in the details as clarity of the vision.  I wrote about this a few years ago regarding putting the emphasis on the “whats”, not the “hows” of your life.

What's and the How's 

Anyway, it’s a starting point and not a specific path.  

Asking for 100% of what you want 100% of the time is a way of being clear with yourself and others.

Let me know your thoughts.

Denise

entrenoususa@gmail.com

Attitude is Everything

Lately, I have found myself being  “slightly more down” than I would like to be.  I know so much of life is how we think about it and what we tell ourselves.

I know that “attitude is everything”.  I have heard it a million times.  I also believe there is a higher authority that reminds us of what is important, especially when we are not paying attention the way we should.

Many times, I find there are signs that I have no choice but to notice and heed.

This morning, I went for a walk up into the hills behind where I live.  It was just me walking out on the trail.  It was early so there was no one around.  Then, kind of out of nowhere, this young girl walked by me and then stayed in front of me for at least 20 minutes.

On the back of her T-shirt, the words read, “ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING”.

She remained walking in front of me with those words yelling at me and then she ran off and I didn’t see her again.

Somehow, my walk was not only a good physical outing, but I couldn’t help but incorporate the advice that someone thought I should live by more deeply.

Denise

entrenoususa@gmail.com

Attached to Outcome

“Most of our troubles are due to our passionate desire for and attachment to things that we misapprehend as enduring entities.” ~Dalai Lama

I have spent much of the last couple of years reading, writing, and thinking about how I live my life and how to be a better and more content person.  Throughout those years, one particular concept constantly comes up for me:  being attached to outcome.

It means that much of our suffering and pain comes from feeling that only one ending or only one thing will make us happy.

That concept can permeate our lives, but lately I have watched myself in a pattern on a very small scale that reminded me of what I do on a much larger scale.

I am a creature of habit.  I like to try new things, but there are areas of my life that make me feel secure and give me a sense of control (not that it’s really true, but it feels that way).

Every morning, I have a cup of coffee in a very particular cup.  I love it.  It is shaped and painted in a way that is “perfect”.   A few months ago, I dropped it.  I looked everywhere for a cup just like it.  It was a hunt.  The replacement cup had to be shaped the same and look the same.

I felt lost without my old cup and the tradition of drinking from it every morning. I finally found something that looked fairly similar, but it wasn’t exactly the same.  I noticed when I was searching for the replacement that I looked only for that identical type of cup.  I couldn’t see anything else.  No variation of the cup would enter my view regardless of what store I was in.  I literally blocked out anything that could have been a new style or pattern.

Then, one day, I saw this amazing, clear, glass cup that had double walls (I know you have seen them) and it was beautiful and clean and it kept the coffee hot while the outer shell stayed cool.

I loved it!  I loved the shape, the feel, the look...it felt awesome and new!   I enjoyed it for months and then, I can’t believe this, but I broke it.  So, again, I looked. But, this time, I found a cup that was similar, but the shape was slightly different.  It was wonderful, but in the back of my mind, I missed the one I had broken and I looked everywhere for it.

Finally, a few days ago, I found the exact one I had broken.  I was so excited!  But, when I used it, I didn’t love it nearly as much as the newest cup I had been using.

OK, very long story, for a very simple point.  I was so stuck, so attached to my outcome of that original cup that I didn’t see anything around me.  It wasn’t until a new cup “spoke” to me that I opened up and let it in.  

I have seen this in my life over and over again.  Attaching to only one outcome is the end of creativity and peace and it does cause suffering, at least for me.

When I open my eyes and allow good things to come that don’t fit with my expectations or very specific goals, life changes. It isn’t exactly the same as I thought it would be, but it is beautiful and special in its own way.

I am so glad my first cup broke because if it hadn’t, I would never know how much joy is possible.  Obviously, this is not just about coffee cups.  It’s about life and what we make of it.

I feel grateful that we are never too old to change, never too old to grow, and that there are a myriad of “cups” that will make us happy.  

Denise
entrenoususa@gmail.com

When You Have to Talk Yourself Into Something...

“When you have to talk yourself into something, it’s a bad sign --  that’s true of relationships, hiring and so many other parts of life.”

Paul Graham, Y Combinator Co Founder

I really like this quote.  I am a thinker...I have been trying to make decisions with my heart more, but my head is so damn noisy.

This quote means what it says.  Sometimes, you just know what to do and those are the best times.  For me, they are the quintessential decisions.  The pros and the cons are all well and good, but you really shouldn’t have to talk yourself into the answer your heart and soul already know.

Happy Summer!

Denise
entrenoususa@gmail.com