Thursday, August 05, 2010

Clicking: The Magic of Instant Connections

Have you ever met someone and just “clicked”?  You feel like you have known this person forever.  You open up and become more vulnerable with them than someone you might have known for much longer.

It has happened to me, especially when I am open to that kind of experience.  For me, those relationships that start with that magical feeling have lasted for a very long time and are some of the most meaningful relationships that are part of my life.
As my cynical lawyer mind always kicks in, I needed a book and some “business” research to confirm my touchy feely thoughts.  Fortunately, I just finished, “Click:  The Magic of Instant Connections" by Ori and Rom Brafman.
What the authors of this book found is that these instant connections not only exist both romantically, socially, and in business, but they are the foundation of some very tight bonds and productive work.
Much of their research has been done in graduate business schools all over the country and they found that teams of students or employees who had “clicked” when they had met, had “exhibited a markedly increased level and enthusiasm in tackling tasks”.
They also found that social relationships both as friends or romantic partners were incredibly strong and long lasting.

They discovered two things.  One, these clicking relationships tend to produce a connection in which people feel comfortable agreeing as well as disagreeing with each other.  There is a sense of trust which gives people permission to disagree.  The willingness to risk being vulnerable deepens the quality of the relationship.
Second, these connections help us to be our best selves.
The authors of Click write, “Perhaps in a response to the intense emotional connection we make, when we click we tend to become our best selves.  That doesn’t mean just being nice or charming with this new person in our lives.  We also become more open, more creative, more willing to stretch ourselves beyond our comfort zone.  This may be why so many of us are drawn to quick-set intimacy.  Not only do we experience the intensity of the connection, but we experience ourselves in a different, better way”.
I think you would really enjoy this book!  I know I did.