Do it Anyway: Creating a Life of Passionate Action

I had such a good time earlier this year taking the Continuing Education class at Stanford called "Do it Anyway:  Creating a Life of Passionate Action" that I had to let you know it is being offered again.  It is being offered at Stanford January 15th - February 19th in the evenings.

I am a huge fan of Professor John Krumboltz and Ryan Babineaux who are teaching the course.  

When I took the class this year, I met some wonderful people, took some chances, and had a lot of fun.  Most importantly, the class helped me shift how I look at life.

You can get more info here:  "Do It Anyway" or at Stanford Continuing Studies.

If you live anywhere near Stanford, I highly recommend taking this course.  It changed my life in many ways!

Denise

entrenoususa@gmail.com

Reframing The Problem

I am really enjoying the online class on Creativity from Tina Seelig and Stanford.

If you have 3 minutes, you can get a taste of the class with this week's video.

"Reframing The Problem"

Denise
entrenoususa@gmail.com

What’s New in Online Learning

There is an explosion of change in the world of learning these days.  It is in online education.

I have been spending some extra time down at Stanford these days and because of being on campus, I have been exposed to what is happening online.

Many universities are stepping into this new universe.  One of the best sites to visit to explore this new world is Coursera.

Coursera was founded by two Stanford computer science professors, Professor Daphne Koller and Professor Andrew Ng.

Coursera has compiled amazing courses from universities all over the world. This fall, I will be taking “Think Again: How to Reason and Argue” by two professors at Duke University.  

In the past, online learning has been predominantly oriented towards math and science courses, but now more humanities and other liberal arts’ subjects are available. 

The way courses are being taught online is revolutionary and Coursera is one of the reasons for those changes.

An online course that is near and dear to my heart is called “A Crash Course on Creativity”.  It’s being taught by Professor Tina Seelig, one of my favorite professors at Stanford. Tina is beyond energizing in her teaching style.  I love her in the classroom and now you can have a chance to experience her as well.

“A Crash Course on Creativity”  is free (as are all these courses).  It is offered through the  “ Stanford Technology Ventures” program.

I think this is a wonderful opportunity to find out more about a subject that touches all of our lives and also to experience a class that, up until now, was only for Stanford students.

Denise
entrenoususa@gmail.com

How We See LIfe

I hope you have missed me...I am trying to live the life I write about these days and it leaves a little less time for my blog.

I am fortunate enough to be able to take a “sanity retreat”, as my close friend calls it, every year.   I go overseas for a week or two and travel alone.  It always allows me to understand myself better, grow as a person, and to remember the many things I have for which to be grateful.

I always take a book to make me think.  This time it was “Something More:  Excavating Your Authentic Self” by Sarah Ban Breathnach.  She wrote “Simple Abundance” and if you enjoyed that book, I know you will find this book very helpful and thoughtful.

I had an experience on my trip this time that reminded me of how important it is to look at life with an open mind and heart.

I had been traveling for about two weeks and I was very tired (though exhilarated) when I landed in my last stop which was Paris.  I am not a shopper for clothes...makeup and perfumes are my weak spot.  Being 4’11 makes shopping a real pain, so it’s never been my first love.  But, I was in Paris and I wanted to buy just one or two things to bring home.  I mean, it was Paris for goodness’ sakes.

So, I headed out to an amazing specialty department store and I wandered.  I was tired and more eager to find gifts to bring home for friends and family than find something for myself.  I found nothing which is ridiculous if you have ever shopped in Paris.  The clothes are art work.  I saw no colors, no shapes, nothing.  I just sat down and decided to skip it.

Two days later after wandering Paris and just enjoying the sheer beauty of that city, I decided to go back to the same place and try again...same store, same clothes, different day and attitude.  

It was the most bizarre thing.  I saw beautiful clothes and lingerie everywhere I looked.  It was the exact same store with the exact same clothes, but everything was different.  Of course, I could still only afford to buy one or two things, but I was so taken aback by how the experience was like night and day.  I was rested, I was not in a hurry and I was open to everything around me.  

It reminded me that life really is like my little shopping experience.  It sounds like a cliche and it is because it’s true.  Every experience in life changes depending on how we go into it and what we expect.  I think that is such a hopeful sign because it means we have much more control over life than we think.  It is our attitude that is the game changer.  We all know that, but for me, it was good to be reminded of it.  That’s why I love travel so much.  It’s like each day, I get a lesson on how to live my life better and make the most of each minute.

Denise
entrenoususa@gmail.com

Where The Magic Happens

Where the magic happens.  In the last decade, every single time I have stretched myself and left the comfort zone, magic has happened.  I am not saying it was easy or comfortable, but magic happened.  In relationships, in jobs, no matter what, the experience was consistent.  Opening myself up to possibilities and taking chances has turned “existing” into really “living”.  

Over the years, I have written many times about leaving my comfort zone.  I think that is because as you reach mid-life, it is easier to ask the question, “why not?”.  If not now, when?

I am most surprised that I can be extremely brave in some aspects of my life and totally fearful in others.  It doesn’t even occur to me to be frightened in certain things I do and then in others, I can’t stop worrying about what taking a chance will mean.

I just know that the leaps and bounds I make in growing as a person are always in the circle on the left.  The circle on the right is just a holding pattern or, many times, a place to go backwards.

I love the image and the words above for two reasons.  First, the circles don’t meet.  There is no in between. Second, I am drawn to the emotions that I feel when I read the words that describe not being in your comfort zone.  It’s not just that it’s good for you to stretch yourself.  It’s not just that it helps you grow as a person.  It’s “where magic happens”.  I love that because I may be afraid to leave my comfort zone, but I am never too scared to go where magic happens.

Think back on your own life and experiences.  Did magic ever happen while you were in  your comfort zone?  When has magic happened?  Just thoughts that might make your days just a little bit better or a little less comfortable.

Denise

entrenoususa@gmail.com

The Start-Up of You

I just finished a new book which I highly recommend:

"The Start-Up of You:  Adapt to the Future, Invest in Yourself, and Transform Your Career" by Reid Hoffman (co founder and chairman of LinkedIn) and Ben Casnocha.

What if you ran your career or your life as if it were a start-up?  Not everyone wants to be or should be an entrepreneur, but everyone can live their life with the mindset and the skill set of an entrepreneur.

The very first words on the inside cover of this book are:  "Permanent Beta, noun:  To always be starting and to forever be a work in progress".   This is the wave of the future.

Reid Hoffman and Ben Casnocha have done an inspiring job of reminding us that the career path is not linear.  Most people will change jobs and careers many times in the years to come and that "adaptability creates stability".  It doesn't mean there is no planning, it just means that "you prioritize plans that offer the best chance at learning about yourself and the world".

The book goes into detail about taking intelligent risk, using flexible planning, and always presuming there will be change.  You can't avoid risk or change, the authors point out, but you can manage it.

I loved this book and I recommend it to any one just starting their career path or making changes along the way, which means just about everyone.

According to the authors, this is the most quoted sentence in the book,

“The fastest way to change yourself is to hang out with people who are already the way you want to be.”  That sentence alone is enough to guide you.

You can find more information on this website: 

The Start-Up of You.

Denise

entrenoususa@gmail.com

“Not So Dirty” Dancing

A few months ago, I took a Continuing Education class at Stanford called, “Do It Anyway: Creating a Life of Passionate Action”.   It was a fantastic class and I will write more about it in my next post.  

For our homework each week, we were asked to do something we had never done before.

The woman sitting next to me in class had told me she loved ballroom dancing.  It made me think that was something I would love to do for my homework.  I mentioned it to her and she gave me a list of local places to go to and the courage to try it.  She turned out to be a wonderful friend and mentor in my new adventure.

One night in January, I decided to venture out on my own and see what would happen.  The theme of the Stanford class was to “just do it anyway” and I took that to heart.

There was a dance class before each “dance party”, so I had a chance to “get my feet wet” before the music really started.  It wasn’t that hard to follow along and I found I was really enjoying myself. 

What I really found was not just a place to dance, but an entire underground world that I didn’t know about.  First, it seemed if you loved ballroom dancing, you REALLY loved it and many people had been doing it for years.  The age span was varied and there were singles and well as couples.

I took the classes in Palo Alto, but I felt as if I had been dropped somewhere generations ago.  The women and men were exceedingly kind.  The men were very polite and followed by a number of rules that I was not used to.  First, men lead ALWAYS.  That one took a while for me to get the hang of, but I began to really enjoy it.  Second, if a mistake is made, it’s always the man’s fault because he is the leader.  I liked that one too.  Third, if a woman asks a man to dance, he must say “yes”.  So far, so good.

As I listened to the music and I watched and danced myself, I felt like I was transported to another world.  The waltz made me feel as if I was gliding across the dance floor in a movie.  The cha cha and the samba definitely brought out the latent Latin rhythm that was hiding inside me for the last decade or so.

The patience of the men I danced with and their kindness in teaching me steps that I didn’t know was consistent.  The feeling in the room was infectious and it was obvious how much fun everyone was having.  There seemed to be no feeling of competition whatsoever.  Each couple dancing was enjoying themselves in their own world.

One of the most interesting things I discovered was how many people who attended the dance worked with numbers or computers during the day.  The majority of the people seemed to be engineers, accountants, or those involved in other less people oriented careers.  Yet, at night, they turned into the most animated, beautiful dancers.  It was if there was a part of their personality that needed to be allowed out and this is where they were free to be someone other than they were during the day.

Well, needless to say, I am hooked.  I bought my dancing shoes a few weeks ago and I am thoroughly enjoying my “not so dirty” dancing.

Most importantly, it reminds me that trying new things is a very fun way to spice up your life.

Denise

entrenoususa@gmail.com

Be Able to Walk Away

I haven’t written for a while...I have been doing a little more living and a little less writing.  I will fill you in on that at a later time.

In the meantime, I read a post from a great blog called, “mnmlist.com” written by Leo Babauta.

I love this piece because it applies to so many areas of one’s life.  If you can master it, you will be on your way.  It eradicates fear and gives you a tremendous sense of confidence.

Denise

entrenoususa@gmail.com

Be Able to Walk Away

In any kind of negotiation, your ability to walk away is your strongest tool.

Those who can walk away from the negotiation — legitimately walk away, not just make a show of it — are in the strongest position. Those who are convinced they need to make the deal are in the weakest position.

This is true of negotiating when you’re buying a car, closing the sale of your new home, haggling in a foreign flea market, or trying to get a raise.

It’s also true of anything in life.

Know that there’s almost nothing you can’t walk away from.

If you are convinced you need a nice house with a walk-in closet and hardwood floors and a huge kitchen, you now have a weakness. You will give away precious life hours and savings to get it. Someone else who knows that those things aren’t absolutely necessary can walk away, and not need to spend so much money (and thus work hours) on that kind of house.

If you are convinced that you need Starbucks grande lattes every day, or an iPhone or iPad, or an SUV or Cooper Mini or BMW … you are in the weak position, because you can’t give it up. Someone else might know that those aren’t essential to happiness, and can walk away.

If you know that the man who is treating you badly (but who you just know will change someday, because, you know, he loves you) isn’t necessary for you to be happy, you can walk away. If you know that you can be happy alone, and that you need no one to make you happy, you can walk away.

If you know that there’s almost nothing you can’t walk away from, you can save yourself tons of money. Years of time. Mountains of headaches and heartaches. Boatloads of suffering.

You don’t need to walk away from everything, but you should know that you can. And when the cost of the deal is too great, too dear … walk away.

How to Flow Through 2012

I have tried and done a lousy job in years past to make resolutions and follow-up on them.  I take that back.  I did an OK job.  One of my resolutions last year was not to be so hard on myself.

Anyway, I found an article from a woman named Tara Mohr which has a wonderful upbeat twist in thinking about how to make 2012 a very special year.

I have included it below.

Happy New Year!

Denise

entrenoususa@gmail.com

Identify Your Core Nutrients by Tara Mohr

If you were to ask me, “What one thing could I do to set myself up for a joyful, vibrant, fulfilling 2012?” it would be this: identify your core nutrients.

You know about the physical core nutrients you need: Vitamin A, Vitamin B, Vitamin D, and so on. You need some calcium and some iron. You need your Omega-3s.

Consider that you also have some emotional and spiritual core nutrients – things that are absolutely essential to your emotional and spiritual health. To your feeling good. To your feeling alive. To your feeling like yourself.

While we all have the same physical core nutrients, we each have a different set of emotional and spiritual core nutrients. We’ve each got to figure out what our core nutrients are.

Here’s how to do that:

Step 1: Think back on the experiences that made you feel most alive, most in flow, most like you were just fully yourself. Write down one or two of these experiences. It’s okay if you have to go back 20 years to find an experience that made you feel this way. It might be directing the high school theater production or babysitting a child you adored or climbing a mountain. Whatever shows up is fine.

Step 2: Now ask yourself, what were some of the elements that made that experience so fulfilling? For example, if your experience was “climbing a mountain” – you might realize it was a few things: the challenge, plus being in nature, plus the feeling of being in a community with your fellow climbers that for you, made this experience so satisfying.

Step 3: Next, ask yourself: what core nutrients was I getting through this experience? What things was I being fed through this – things that are vital to my spirit’s health and wellbeing? Maybe you discover that yes, nature is one of your core nutrients. Maybe you discover that novelty – seeing things you’ve never seen before is a core nutrient for you.

Step 4: Develop a list of 5 core nutrients. Thinking back on different fulfilling experiences in your life, identify 5 core nutrients. Core nutrients are always qualities – not activities. “Surfing” isn’t a core nutrient, but “connecting with water” or “being in my body” might be.

Step 5: Now, here’s the fun part. Look at your 2012 in light of your core nutrients. What will you do in 2012 to make sure you are getting your daily dose of each one? How will you shift routines and priorities to make sure you get your minimum requirement of these ingredients that are essential to your wellbeing? How creative can you get in finding them *in* your job, or *in* your parenting? How brave can you get in making time for them outside of those things?

Full article by Tara Mohr

Happy Holidays!

The funny thing about the holiday season is that it is so easy to get caught up in the details and forget everybody just wants to enjoy each other's company.  Nothing else really matters.

I am sure you have heard or read this before, but it's not a bad thing to reread during the holidays just as a reminder.

Happy Holidays!

Denise
entrenoususa@gmail.com

“IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER" by Erma Bombeck 

I would have talked less and listened more. 

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded. 

I would have eaten the popcorn in the "good" living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace. 

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather rambling about his youth. 

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed. 

I would have burned the pink candle sculped like a rose before it melted 

in storage. 

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains. 

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television, and more 

while watching life. 

I would have gone to bed when I was sick, instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day. 

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime. 

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment, realising that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle. 

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner." 

There would have been more "I love you's" and more "I'm sorry's" 

. . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute . . . 

look at it and really see it . . . and never give it back.” 

The Lesson I Learned from Laryngitis

Before I got married, I remember dating a guy I thought was terrific.  I met him on vacation and, of course, we talked a great deal at the beginning.  But, after a day or so, I started to get laryngitis.  We continued to spend time together and it seemed as if he liked me more and more.  Because I couldn’t talk, I started to spend a lot of time nodding and smiling.  He seemed to like that and I didn’t have much choice at the time, so I went with it.

When I finally got my voice back and I started talking (and definitely having opinions), he seemed shocked and not thrilled that I was someone different than he had thought.

It was sort of a surprise to both of us.  He hadn’t realized what my personality was really like and I hadn’t realized he was the kind of guy that didn’t like my personality.

The reason I bring this up is that sitting there unable to talk, I lost a little of my confidence.  It seemed sometimes as if I became what the situation called for, not necessarily my true self.  

I really like this description of confidence that I read on the blog, Puttylike:

“Confidence is having absolute assurance in yourself. It’s trusting that your character will carry you through situations, and it’s the belief that you have the personal power necessary to change your life and the world.

Conversely, a lack of confidence means a lack of power. When you’re feeling insecure, you feel helpless, weak, unsure of yourself. You also become reliant on external validation. Other people’s opinions mean a lot. Behaviorally, this means that you take fewer risks, you don’t express yourself, you take up the minimum amount of physical space, follow others, and so on.

Your confidence fluctuates throughout the day, depending on what you’re doing, where you are, and who you’re around. If you happen to be around someone who makes you uncomfortable (either because they themselves lack confidence and are judging you, or because you simply perceive them to be judging you), there’s a good chance that your confidence will wane.

And when your confidence wanes, you begin to take on the traits of an insecure person. You begin to embody passivity and powerlessness. You get silent and become disconnected from your needs, thoughts and emotions. You may hear other people’s voices and opinions in your head, but it’s hard to distinguish those from your own.”

I may have just lost my voice on that vacation, but I began to lose my identity and become less than who I was.  It’s tempting sometimes to not allow your full self to come through as it can make relationships easier, but I have found that those relationships where you cannot be yourself are not worth being in no matter what part of life they reside.

Denise

Why I Like Being the Age That I Am

Recently, I attended an event called “Girls in Tech”.  Four women in their mid-twenties talked about how they had each started their businesses which have all been quite successful.  They had created “start-ups” from the very beginning and had worked extremely hard over the last few years.  There was no question these were very successful women in the world of business.

Though I was in awe of their accomplishments, there was a little something that bothered me. There was this pervasive feeling among these women that other women had abandoned them.  Most of these entrepreneurs had graduated from Harvard or Stanford Business school and they were lamenting how their female peers from business school had stopped working or were working on a more low key level to have a more balanced life with their families.

One of the women was basically disgusted and suggested that she would never give up what she is doing or lessen her duties for her potential spouse or children.  She KNEW what she was going to do and how she was going to do it.  Oddly enough, there was no talk of how difficult it can be for women these days to find flexibility and balance in their juggling of work and family.

A decade ago, her comments would have really annoyed me.  I would have stood up and told her not to judge other women for their choices when she has no idea what they are dealing with and that she has no idea what is ahead for her.  

But, I am a little older now and, believe it or not, calmer.

What I heard from the dogmatic entrepreneur was “I know it all”.  What I know now is I know one thing for sure:  I don’t know it all.

What I feel comfortable saying from my “years” of experience living is that I was one of those women in my mid-twenties and now I am not.  I knew it all or thought I did. Now, I know that many things happen in life that you don’t expect and you didn’t plan for and that you learn to deal with them.  I know that other people have that happen as well, so you can’t really judge other people’s decisions because you have no idea what is behind those decisions, not to mention, those choices are theirs and not yours.

What was fascinating to me was hearing the tech women speak with such certainty about how they will live their lives and how others “should” be.  It was also very freeing to know that you really don’t know what is ahead and living your own life less dogmatically and also judging others less harshly feels a lot more peaceful. 

In the end, I am very happy to be the age that I am and to know that I have learned some important lessons along the way.

Denise

entrenoususa@gmail.com

The Art of Learning

I am obsessively drawn to insatiably, curious people.  I love people who are always learning new things.  They enhance my life and make me feel incredibly young.

As I look for new directions for myself, careerwise and other, I find that these types of people give me hope and energy.  They are all ages and both genders.  When you find someone who is crazy curious about life and learning new things, I say, “Grab them!”.  

Grab them, watch them, spend time with them, and learn from them.

The more I am with people like this, the more I believe that learning new things and being open to learning new things are the keys to staying mentally young.

I love this article, “The Art of Learning”, from the Think Simple Now blog.  Here is a snippet. You can read the full article online.

“In the 20 minutes of witnessing learning in full effect at the Apple Store, I felt deeply inspired. The man, although had 50 years on me, carried the energetic spirit of an 18-year-old.

Perhaps we take for granted the opportunity to learn, to evolve with change, to expand & grow, and to challenge ourselves to see the details of life with new wonderment.

Maybe we miss an empowering conversation in the grocery story line because we are too busy thinking about the next three errands ahead.

Or we miss the chance to reframe a current, frustrating situation with a friend’s refreshing perspective because keeping-in-touch hasn’t been a priority.

Or we miss the opportunity to deepen our compassion for a family member who needs us because we haven’t picked up the phone in months—simply to ask, “Hey, how’ve you been? What’s new?”

Or the book, the class, the certification, the travel adventure we’ve decided to put off until tomorrow because it’s easier to delay than to take action.

When we decide to put off events, conversations, and the opportunity to life-learn, we also take for granted the amazing people, teachers, and lessons available in our expansive world, ready to arm us with more vibrant, meaningful experiences.

Today, we can choose to open our thoughts, perspective, and time to create space for growth—our own growth.”

Denise

Patience is a Virtue

I want to be more patient NOW!  I am so envious of patient people.  When I get really excited about something, I don’t like waiting.  Patient people seem calmer and able to take things more in stride.

In the following article, “How to Be More Patient”*, the author analyzes what’s behind being impatient.  I like his take on it because it helped me change my view of life, not just learn how to wait for things to happen.

As he describes below, if you truly feel as if you can handle whatever comes your way, you lose the angst that comes with impatience.

I would add to the article that not clinging to expectations of what “should” happen is very helpful as well. If you are not attached to any particular outcome, whatever happens, works.  

None of this is easy because many times we are changing life long tendencies; but, it’s never too late to start.

Denise

entrenoususa@gmail.com

How to Be More Patient

“If you know the root cause behind the issue or problem, you can target it and rather than just quiet the problem, completely destroy it.

Patience is clearly linked to someone’s level of confidence. Impatience usually appears when one feels let down, when you don't feel in control, or perhaps feel that your hands are tied. You want something to happen now, but you cannot seem to do anything to speed things up. A person with plentiful levels of confidence will accept the situation as it is; they will not fight it or rail against it. Rather, they will work with it.

Patience gives you confidence and confidence allows a person to see a situation clearly and to look for different options.

As you begin to think you can do something, you find a way to do it. When you think you cannot do something, you do not even look for those options and opportunities; this leads to frustration and frequent waves of impatience.

If you want to actually become more patient, you must become more confident about who you are, and believe that even if things go wrong, you will be ready to tackle the problems head on."

*I have taken the liberty of editing this article.